How Jews Are Feeling: A Rabbi's View (and what you can do to support Jews right now)

It's been 10 days since the Hamas massacre began. That first day - Oct 7 - Shabbat / Simchat Torah (a day that was supposed to be a celebratory double-holiday) - was a shocking nightmare, but the nightmare just keeps getting worse as we hear and see more and more about what Hamas did along with the disheartening / unsupportive responses from people around the world. 

For those who are not Jewish, it might seem like this is just another war in Israel. That is why I decided to write this blog post - to give a window into what's happening in the Jewish community right now, which is completely different than anything I've experienced in my lifetime.  This is how Jews in my community are feeling, as seen from my vantage point as a rabbi and Jewish educator:

(Note: I realize I'm painting with a broad brushstroke, and what I've written doesn't apply to every single Jewish person... but these are themes of what I've been hearing and seeing this week.)

Deep sadness / grief

The whole Jewish community is in mourning. The Jewish community is small, which means that even if you don't personally have family or friends in Israel, you know someone who does. It is only 1 or 2 degrees of separation. It seems like everyone knows someone (or knows someone who knows someone) who was murdered, abducted, injured, or recently called for reserve duty in the IDF.  

There is an extreme level of shock and sadness and grief about what happened to thousands of people on Oct 7. Jews are sharing photos of people who died, people who are missing, people who are likely captives in Gaza, including babies, toddlers, young adults, older adults, and everyone in between.  As I said, it's a nightmare, and one that almost all Jews are experiencing in one way or another. Many people have told me they can't stop crying. They can't sleep. They know they should put down their phones, turn off the news, look away from social media, but they can't. And so they look, and they keep crying.

Fear

Jews are feeling very afraid. They are worried for the safety of Israeli friends & family, but they are also afraid for their own safety and the safety of their children here in America. For context: Hamas does not want peace with Israel. They are not fighting for a Palestinian State alongside the State of Israel; rather, their aim (as they've clearly stated, over and over again) is to destroy Israel and kill Jews. Hamas declared last Friday (Oct 13) to be a day of terror/rage against Jews around the world, which meant Jews around the world were afraid for their lives. Antisemitism has been on the rise for the last 8 years, but it's gotten particularly bad in the last week. We have dramatically increased security at our synagogue, and Jews are wrestling with questions like: "Should I send my child to school?" "Will someone attack me, my family, or my children for being Jewish?" "Should I take down the mezuzah on my doorpost?" I spent the first 40 years of my life without any lived experience of antisemitism. I knew it existed, theoretically, but I didn't feel afraid for my safety because of being Jewish. That has changed. The last 10 days have significantly increased the level of fear many Jews are feeling, wherever they live. We are strong, and we will be okay, but the level of fear is very high right now.

Isolation / Loneliness

While all this has been happening for the Jewish community, it feels like business-as-usual for most of the non-Jewish world (in America). I've heard over and over again from congregants that going to work is very lonely right now. That they are struggling to keep it together, to not cry, and that no one seems to know or care what they're going through. They're surprised and disappointed that their non-Jewish friends and colleagues haven't reached out to check in with them, or to offer words of support.  (To non-Jewish readers: It's not too late to reach out! See below for my suggestions about how to help.)

Jews are even more upset with the friends, colleagues, schools, community members, and organizations who have not only not offered words of support, but have been public in their support for Hamas ("Pro-Palestine"). This is very hard for many Jews to hear right now, because we are also pro-Palestinian. We want Palestinians to have their own state. We want Palestinians to be safe. We worry for the Gazan people, we cry for the civilians who have been killed and will be killed in this war. And yet, Hamas is a terrorist group whose goal is to kill Jews and destroy Israel. They also terrorize their own (Palestinian) people and funnel money to building tunnels and rockets rather than building homes, hospitals, and infrastructure for the Gazan people to thrive. The public narrative of Israel as the "bad guy" in this war is infuriating to most people in the Jewish community. Hamas entered homes with the sole purpose of torturing and raping and killing people, and distressingly, they are getting more sympathy than Israel / Jews in public opinion.  People are also frustrated with businesses / organizations / schools that have made statements that are highly sanitized and don't acknowledge the horror of Hamas' actions.

 All this is to say, Jews are feeling really lonely. Many are talking about this in Holocaust-related terms. "'Never again' is now." "More Jews died in one day than any other time since the Holocaust." Jews wonder which of their non-Jewish friends would hide them if they had to hide (back to fear, above), and they worry that their non-Jewish friends wouldn't help them. They worry that Jews are truly alone in the world, with antisemitism lurking everywhere. (By the way, I don't think that's true - I know there is still a lot of support for individual Jews and the Jewish community as a whole. I have felt that loving support. But people are nevertheless feeling very lonely and isolated, sometimes with very good reason.)

Guilt

A number of people have told me how guilty they feel for their relative safety here in America. Every time they look at their children, or tuck their children in at night, they feel guilty. They don't know how to go to something upbeat or celebratory - like a birthday party - when people are dying and in captivity in Gaza / Israel. "My best friend in Israel is living through a nightmare, while I get to live my life in a normal way here."  "My family is suffering, running to the bomb shelter every few hours, while I go about my life as usual. How can I do that?!" There isn't anything that can be done about those feelings, but a lot of people have mentioned it this week.

Despair

Will this ever end? How? What will happen to all those being held captive right now? Will they make it out alive? As I said before, most Jews in my community want a two-state solution to the Israeli/Palestinian conflict. They want Palestinians to live in peace, and to have agency over their lives. But what can be done when the group in charge of Gaza are murderous terrorists whose sole goal is the destruction of Israel and the killing of Jews? What can be done when Hamas uses their own civilians as human shields?  There is despair about the current moment as well as the long-term future. 

WHAT CAN I DO?

If you want to support your Jewish friends, colleagues, co-workers, and community members, here are a few easy suggestions:

1) Reach out to them. Text or email or call. If you don't know what to say, "I'm thinking about you" with a heart emoji is great. Or "I'm here to support you." Knowing there is support from non-Jewish people in our lives is a HUGE help right now.

2) Offer to drop off a meal. Or just bring food over without asking. Many people have shared with me that they've forgotten to eat because they are so upset. Jews bring food to other people when they are going through difficult times. By bringing a meal / food to someone you know and care about, you are showing that you are there for them, and showing up for them in their time of distress.  

3) Be careful and thoughtful about social media. There is a lot going around on social media that is factually incorrect, and/or harmful to Jews. Be careful about what you post and share. If you're not sure, check in with a Jewish friend.

4) Read / learn (via trusted sources). For updates on what's happening in Israel, I suggest The Times of Israel. It is a more reliable news source than American news sources. My blog (a previous post) also has a list of recommended articles & resources: 

https://rabbigreninger.blogspot.com/2023/10/recommended-reading-re-war-in-israel.html 

5) Donate.  If you'd like to make a donation to support the people of Israel, we suggest the 2023 Israel Emergency Fund, which is sending money to a variety of organizations on the ground providing medical care, emergency services, evacuation support, transport, and housing.

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From all of us in the Jewish community, and at Temple Isaiah, thank you for reading this, and for your loving support!!

Solidarity Event at Temple Isaiah, Oct 9, 2023