Joy. Sadness. Anger. Fear. Disgust.
These are not just emotions, but vividly imagined characters in the Pixar movie, Inside Out. This week I saw the new movie Inside Out 2, in which Anxiety, Embarrassment, Envy, and Ennui make their debut (along with the delightful Nostalgia). Without giving away too much of the plot, I will share that the new movie is about emotions that come to the fore during adolescence, with Anxiety taking the helm. As the tagline of the movie exclaims, “Make room for new emotions!”
That could be the tagline for this week’s Torah portion as well. In B’haalot’cha, the Israelites are wandering in the desert, and causing trouble (for themselves, for Moses, and for God). We see strong emotions from all of them:
Nostalgia (Israelites): Take us back to Egypt, where we had good food to eat! “We remember the fish that we used to eat free in Egypt, the cucumbers, the melons, the leeks, the onions, the garlic. Now our gullets are shriveled. There is nothing at all! Nothing but this manna to look to!” (Num 11:4)
Anger (God): “God was very angry… you shall eat meat… for a whole month, until it comes out of your nostrils and becomes loathsome to you!” (Num 11:10, 18, 20)
Anxiety (with despair, Moses): “I cannot carry all these people by myself, for it is too much for me. If you would deal thus with me, kill me, rather, I beg you, and let me see no more of my wretchedness!” (Num 11:15)
Fear (Moses and Aaron): “Miriam was stricken with snow-white scales… Oh God, please heal her!” (Num 12:10, 12)
One of the metaphors for this part of the biblical story is that of adolescence. The Israelite people were “birthed” as a nation when they went through the Sea of Reeds and became free. However, they did not reach maturation (“adulthood”) as a people until they entered the Land of Israel. The journey through the midbar (which can mean desert or wilderness), has often been described as the “adolescence” of the Jewish people. It is a time of wandering through the “wilderness” (both literal and metaphorical) - a time of major transitions, a time in which they learn how to live with their newfound freedom, their newfound autonomy.
I have been reading the excellent book Untangled by Dr. Lisa Damour, which describes seven transitions a teenager makes in their journey from childhood to adulthood. One of those transitions is Harnessing Emotions. As Dr. Damour notes, the hallmark of adulthood is the ability to “manage, indeed make good use of” our feelings (p.86). Adolescence is a time when “intense emotions burst through,” leading to “a new period of emotional upheaval” (p. 85). [Side note: Dr. Damour was an advisor for Inside Out 2.] The emotional upheaval that appears in Inside Out 2 mirrors the emotional upheaval in this week’s Torah portion because both Riley and the Jewish people are going through major transitions. Riley is leaving childhood behind, looking ahead to high school and her teenage years. The Jewish people are wrestling with their freedom: leaving behind the familiar experience of slavery, and wandering through the messy wilderness on their path to nationhood.
I’d like to suggest that today, we are also in a time of major transition, a “wilderness” of sorts. We are in the midst of a technological revolution, with the advent of the internet, microchips, smart phones, social media, AI, and more. The last 30-ish years have been a whirlwind of technological advancement. At the same time, we are in the midst of a tectonic shift in what it means to be a Jew, especially vis-a-vis Israel. The horrors of October 7 and its aftermath have shaken us all, and the last 8 months have been nothing short of an “earthquake” in the ways in which the Jewish people have been affected - in Israel, of course, and around the world. And that is in addition to the major changes that had already been taking place in Israel prior to October 7th (remember the massive weekly protests against the government? The concerns about democracy in Israel?). The confluence of the two -the changes in technology along with changes in Israel - is radically changing our experience of the world, and it’s no wonder that our emotions are all over the map. We are all going through an “adolescence” - a period of upheaval in which we are changing - we know we are changing - but we don’t know what lies ahead. There is uncertainty, an unknown future, and it is hard to know what is stable, what to hold onto.
Of course our emotions are all over the place! Of course Anxiety is often in the drivers’ seat! But we know that in life - as in the Torah - adolescence doesn’t last forever. We do eventually learn how to manage our emotions, how to navigate the rough waters of the transitions we are in. We learn to make room for all the emotions, not letting Anxiety push out everything else. We make our way to a new period of stability.
There is a hint in this week’s Torah portion about how we can get from here to there. There is a description of the ritual of the Passover sacrifice, which is supposed to be offered to God on a specific day (the 14th day of the first month of the year, otherwise known as Nissan). But what happens if someone can’t do the ritual on that day? God gives them the opportunity to make it up. Yes, there is a “make up” day! The person who cannot bring the sacrifice on the 14th of Nissan is invited to bring the Passover sacrifice a month later - on the 14th day of the following month. They get a do-over.
In periods of instability and change, Anxiety can lead us to believe that all will be lost if we don’t get things “right.” But God teaches us from this small moment in the Torah that it’s okay not to get things right the first time. There are times when we are not ready. When there are obstacles in our way. When our emotions or circumstances get the best of us. But there is a do-over day. A day to make things right, when we are ready.
This Shabbat, may we take some time to reflect on our circumstances and our emotions. May we lean into self-compassion, compassion for all the emotions that live within us and are driving us at this time. May we work on managing our emotions so that Anxiety doesn’t push everything else out. And may we remember that it’s ok not to get things exactly right - whether in our personal life or in the life of the Jewish community. We will do our best in the moment, and it will be okay to return to challenging tasks when we are ready.
