"Rabbi, I have to admit, I'm not 'religious.'"

In my role as educator, I often meet with people who are thinking about joining my synagogue, Temple Isaiah.  Perhaps they have kids and are thinking about starting JQuest. Or they have been coming to Tot Shabbat and want to learn more about Temple Isaiah membership.  Whatever their story, there is one theme that comes up again and again in those meetings with prospective members: “Rabbi, I have to admit, I’m not religious.”  

With trepidation, with guilt, with embarrassment, and sometimes a whole variety of other emotions I can’t quite pinpoint, they say to me: “I’m not religious.”  People want me to know that while they may be interested in joining Temple Isaiah, I should not mistake them for “religious.” 

 

But what does that mean? 

 

And so, I ask, kindly and with a smile.  “When you say you’re ‘not religious,’ can you help me understand what you mean by that?”  I’ve asked a version of that question over and over, and these are some of the answers I hear:

 

“I’m more of a ‘cultural Jew.’”

 

“I’m not sure, I just don’t think I’m very religious.”

 

“I want my children to learn the [Jewish] traditions, but…”

 

“I’m a very open-minded person.”

 

Frequently, people don’t really know how to articulate what they mean by “not religious,” so I try to give them some language, some possibilities for what they mean.

 

“Perhaps it means you don’t like going to services?”  “You’re not as interested in the ‘God’ part of Judaism?”  “You’re not sure you believe in God?” “You don’t consider yourself ritually observant?”

 

I think sometimes what they’re saying (underneath it all) is, “Rabbi, I am Jewish and I want to be connected to Jewish community.  I want to understand what it means to be Jewish and I want my kids to develop Jewish identities.  But I am nervous about joining a synagogue.  I don’t want to seem too ‘religious,’ or be seen as a ‘religious’ person.’”

 

The same is true for adults (without kids, or with grown kids) who are seeking Jewish community and/or learning.  Sometimes there is trepidation, as they don't want to seem - or be seen as - “too religious.”  But they do want to learn, connect, grow.

 

Does this resonate for you?  Do you feel this way? 

 

The problem here stems from a question of what Judaism is. Is Judaism a religion?  Well, yes, but … it’s also a people, a nation, a culture, a tradition, a family.  Judaism has been called a “race” (in Nazi Germany); it’s been called a “civilization” (by Mordechai Kaplan); my teacher Rabbi Larry Hoffman calls Judaism a “conversation” - i.e. to be Jewish is to be part of the Jewish Conversation that has been taking place for thousands of years. 

 

Further problems come from connotations of the word “religious.”  We live in a time and place where sometimes people associate “religious” with “close-minded” or “extremist” or “un-enlightened.”  

 

So people come to me saying - I am open-minded, I am tolerant, I am educated, I am enlightened.  I am also Jewish, and I am trying to find a way to be part of Jewish community and embrace Judaism in a way that feels comfortable for me and my family.

 

The question I’ve been asking myself is, “What does this mean for Jewish education?”  How can we make it easier for people to access Jewish learning, without trepidation about the term “religious”? 

 

We changed the name of our youth education program from “religious school” to “JQuest” intentionally.  (See http://rabbigreninger.blogspot.com/2015/09/why-jquest-instead-of-religious-school.html for more about that change) How else could we make it easier for people to feel comfortable and confident approaching me (or any rabbi / cantor / Jewish educator) looking to deepen their Jewish connections?  Is this an issue of PR / marketing, assuring people that they don’t have to see themselves as “religious” to find meaning and depth and connection in Judaism and Jewish learning?  Or is it a matter of education first and foremost - helping people learn more about Judaism, and in so doing, realize that the term “religious” is inadequate after all? 

 

If you have thoughts about any of this, please send them my way. I’d love to hear from you.  Or, if you know someone thinking about Jewish learning but do not see themselves as “religious,” please send them this article to let them know they’re not alone!