*This goes out to all parents thinking of sending their kids to
a (Jewish) religious school… to parents who were raised Jewish, those who chose
Judaism, and those who aren’t Jewish but married a Jew.*
In the last month, I’ve had several conversations that got
me thinking. One friend asked a group of
us who went to Jewish summer camp together (we are now grown up with kids of
our own), “Are you going to send your kids to religious school?” In another social situation, a friend innocently
asked “Why do kids go to religious school twice a week starting in third
grade?” In both cases, these friends of
mine are connected to the Jewish community and are already committed to raising
Jewish kids. But they (along with many
others) wonder about the value of religious school, and about the time
commitment required to take part in it. Is
it worth it?
In our era of extreme busyness, and in a time when there are
many Jewish families in which one parent is Jewish and the other parent is not,
it’s a reasonable question to ask – Why bother with religious school? And why should our kids attend religious
school twice a week from third grade to seventh grade, as is the case in most synagogues
around the country?[1]
To answer these questions, we have to take a step back and
ask, “Why be Jewish?” What’s so special
or important about being Jewish? If it’s
possible to be a good person without religion, then what’s the point? Each of us may have different answers to
these questions, but my guess is there are some common threads. Jewish values mean something to us. Yes, there are “American values,” but Jewish
values ground us and guide us. Jewish
values encompass many generic human values such as kindness and compassion, but
there are values unique to Judaism, too, such as the value of rest (see:
Shabbat) and a commitment to community (see: minyan). Being Jewish means you are part of a chain of
tradition thousands of years old, and when you take it seriously, it helps you
know who you are and what you stand for.
Being Jewish means being part of something larger than yourself / your
family. At its best, Judaism can give
meaning and purpose to your life. It has
a calendar that can give shape and meaning to time, it has rituals that can
bring holiness into your life and the world.
When you are in crisis or feel like you’re free-floating, Judaism can
give you roots, a foundation, a structure, texts, stories, prayers, and
teachings to give you direction and hope.
If Judaism is so valuable[2],
we would naturally want to pass it down to our children, to raise our children
as Jews. But how?
Children have to learn.
They are not born knowing who they are and where they fit into the
world. It is our obligation as parents
to provide them roots, to give them a foundation for their life and help them
understand the world around them. Therefore,
if we want our children to be Jewish, to truly live with Jewish values and to find
Judaism meaningful, then they need to learn.
Parents can teach their children, but most parents cannot do it
alone.
Parents alone can’t teach their kids what it means to be
Jewish because part of being Jewish is a connection to community. “Jewish” is not an individual identity. It is a group identity. It is being part of a people. It is possible to teach your kids about
Jewish community by getting together with other Jewish families, but it is much
easier when you’re part of a synagogue.
Kids learn that there are lots of other Jews out there, and that being
part of a Jewish community is an essential component of Judaism. We support each other through tough times,
and we celebrate together in good times.
We teach each other and we learn from each other. We do not do Judaism alone.
Plus, there is so much to learn! Children have to learn what Judaism is – not
just the most popular holidays (see: Chanukah), but also about God, Torah,
Israel, Jewish values, Hebrew, prayer, Jewish history, and much more. There are not many parents who really want to
do that all themselves, so we look to institutions to help us.
Yes, some religious schools are bad. They are boring. They haven’t changed in 30 years. But luckily, in the landscape of Jewish
education, things are changing. There
are AMAZING religious schools out there (see Mayim
in Boston and JQuest B’yachad in Philadelphia
for two innovative examples). There are
conferences and articles about innovation in religious schools, and synagogues
are making changes for the better. If
the religious school near you is same-old same-old and you don’t like it, then
agitate for change or find a new synagogue.
Get involved in leadership at your synagogue to have an impact on
education. Join the education
committee. Volunteer to be on the
board. But don’t just give up and decide
that religious school isn’t worth it.
Yes, there are many competing priorities in our lives as
parents today. There’s school, sports,
arts, way too much homework, trying to make time for family and friends… but
each of us must ask ourselves at the end of the day, “Where does this ancient,
beautiful, meaningful tradition of Judaism fit into our lives?” Religious school has to be a priority if you
want your children to grow up knowing what it means to be Jewish and finding
meaning in Judaism.
If Judaism is not meaningful to you, and it’s not important
to you to pass the tradition to the next generation, then of course that is
your choice. But eventually, then, Judaism
will cease to be part of your family’s lineage.
But if Judaism IS important to
you, and if you want Judaism to continue (and not only for Orthodox Jews), then
your children are our future. This manifesto
is not meant to be another parental guilt trip, it’s intended to serve as a
reminder for why passing on our values, our tradition, our history, our culture
is worth it. And that when done well, religious
school gives kids the opportunity to learn, do, and be in Jewish community… to
develop their identity as Jews, to be the next link in the chain of
tradition. Don’t you want that for your
kids?
[1] Note:
I don’t like the term “religious school”, but it’s widely understood to refer
to educational programs at synagogues that are a few hours a week. Some people refer to these programs as
“Hebrew school,” “part-time Jewish education,” or “supplemental
education.” At my synagogue we call our
program JQuest. You
can read more about why
I can’t stand the term “religious school,” but I’m going to use it for the
rest of this manifesto for consistency.
[2] If
you don’t find Judaism valuable, then I’d recommend starting there – figuring
out whether you want Judaism to be valuable to you, and if so, how it
might be in the future. I suggest
contacting your local rabbi or cantor or Jewish educator to talk more about it.
